2014 Tesla Model S 85

??? FOR SALE: 2014 TESLA MODEL S ???
The fastest way to silently judge gas prices.

Ever wanted a car that:

Accelerates like a roller coaster
Sounds like a refrigerator
And makes strangers ask weird questions at Walmart?

Congratulations. Your future has arrived.

2014 TESLA MODEL S

AKA:
?? “The iPhone on wheels”
?? “The reason gas stations forgot my name”
?? “A spaceship disguised as a sedan”

FEATURES:

? Instant torque — faster than your paycheck disappearing
? Giant touchscreen — basically an iPad with seat belts
? Quiet ride — hear every passenger chew in HD
? Futuristic interior
? More storage space than people expect from a car with no engine

PERFORMANCE:

Push the pedal and:
? Your stomach stays behind
? Your passengers start yelling
? Random Mustangs suddenly take you personally

This thing moves quicker than bad decisions at 2AM.

PERFECT FOR:

? Tech people
? Daily commuters
? Anybody tired of gas prices
? People who enjoy explaining electric cars to confused relatives at cookouts
? Quietly humiliating sports cars at stoplights

THINGS YOU’LL START SAYING:

?? “I’ll just charge it at home.”
?? “Actually it has insane torque.”
?? “No, you don’t get electrocuted in the rain.”
?? “Yes, it’s really that fast.”

CONDITION:

Runs great.
No oil changes.
No engine noise.
No idea what half the buttons do, but it feels important.

INCLUDED FREE:

? Smugness at gas stations
? Sudden interest in renewable energy
? The urge to back into parking spots
? One friend constantly asking for rides

?? PRICE:
Less than a new Tesla.
More advanced than your uncle’s Facebook opinions.

?? Message me before I keep it and start calling everybody “bro” while talking about battery percentages.